The Horrors of Having a Kunoichi Girlfriend
by stardust1173
Summary: Oneshot OC's but Naruto based and with Naruto references. What happens when Joe is late coming home again to his pissed kunoichi girlfriend Jen who has spent the day sharpening her various weapons? T for language and my weird sense of humor.


_This was originally a story between Neji and Tenten but I liked it better with me and Joe because I really couldn't see Neji sucking up to Tenten even if he was suspended off the ground by her various sharp implaments._

_Warnings: Cursing, drinking, minor blood, OC's (is that a warning? Oh well...)_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I wasn't paid to write this but a girl can dream right?_

The Horrors of Having a Kunoichi Girlfriend

The door swung in silently, stirring a faint breeze but nothing more. The shadowy figure crept forward silently, or so he thought. A light flicked on and produced a kind of deer-in-the-headlights moment before he tried to leap and hide behind the couch. But he was too late. Shuriken to the wall! "Oh crap, so close. So close!" Joe muttered to himself.

"Where the hell have you been?!" The woman who turned on the light and threw the deadly stars asks in an icy tone.

"Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" Joe begs quickly, knowing his life now hangs on the temper of his kunoichi girlfriend who had just suspended him above the ground with no less then twenty-seven shuriken positioned painstakingly perfect as to not tear his paled flesh.

"I'll ask one. More. Time… Where were you?!" Jen say slowly, but it was all a mask, inside she was seething and shrieking with anger.

"Nowhere! Nowhere! Please don't kill me!" A flash of a kunai, embedded centimeters from his neck silences him.

"You fucking lair!" The scream made the entire house shake from the foundation up.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are when you're mad?" Another kunai, this time a bit lower. (cough)

"Shut up." Jen growls, fingering two more kunai, an untouched katana sheathed on her back just waiting for it's turn. "Now tell me truthfully or I'll start drawing blood. Where were you?" Her voice was eerily calm now.

"T-Training! I was training I swear!"

"Really… where?" Her eyes narrowed and he faltered in answering. This was all the excuse she needed to send a kunai to his arm, cutting the tense flesh only a fraction of a centimeter but still scaring the living shit out of him.

"Okay! Okay! I give! I was in a drinking contest and I passed out!" His voice was cracking but the truth was the only thing he could think of right now… and the fact Jen was throwing sharp objects at him that he couldn't dodge.

"You WHAT!?!" She shrieks and drops her remaining kunai to draw her katana.

"Honey… please calm down…" He begs in the calmest voice he can while in the back of his mind he was screaming 'Oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck!'

"Don't you come in here hung-over and tell _me_ to calm down damn it! Why I ought to-" Her blade flashed and his shirt fell into mangled ribbons on the floor, very thin lines of blood showed on parts of his chest.

"N-now Jen, let's be reasonable. Do I really sound hung-over? I was late because the guys knew you would kill me if I came home like that again."

"Then why did you do it in the first fucking place?!" She throws the katana at him and it slides in between two of his fingers from his right hand without breaking his skin in the slightest.

"I love the way you aim." Joe sucks up, hoping it will help him at least a little bit.

"I am _so_ pissed you're lucky I don't kill you right now!"

"Would you really kill me?"

"I would sure as hell like to! …But, since I can't…" Jen pulls the katana out of the wall and slides it back in its sheath easily. "You better damn well still be up there when I wake up tomorrow or I'll leave permanent scars next time." She says with a cheery smile, malice still laced in her sweet words as she turns off the light and walks back upstairs to sleep.

Joe drops his head forward in relief and looks at the sharp objects pinning him into place. "I wonder if Neji has as much trouble with Tenten when he comes home late."

_Hm, I had a ton of fun writing this and truthfully Joe gave me lots of ideas. Isn't he sweet? He lets me torture him in my stories. Oh well, I'd do it anyway. I'm thinking of making this a continuing of oneshots with my favorite pairings. (you know, the actual Naruto characters?) Yeah, it would be really fun but I need some more ideas first. If you have an idea please tell me! You can also request pairings! Please? Don't make me go chibi on you._


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